all the dirt i dont show the preairbrushed picture's Journal

11:59pm: its crazy when you look at a person and realize that the way they are affects the life they have/live.



dont take that sentence and discard it.. really think about it.

11:41pm: and that mountain you'll be climbin is just a grain of sand....
life is crazy.

so im putting my two weeks in after the weekend... i clunch my teeth together today because one of the only two people at work that i thought i could trust w/me telling them i was quitting told my boss.. i dont understand what she wanted to gain from this?... gain me not being her friend anymore. sandy, the HR person at work we've been thru a lot together... been on and off friends..happy we're friends again... sad she has breast cancer :( she goes thru chemo next friday.. im scared for her, scared for how im going to react... ive never known someone so close to me go thru that..even though its so common now-a-days. i read in self magazine about how grapefruit can cause breast cancer in women and when i was telling sandy about that she said she used to eat a lot of it.. strange how science links things...
i think tho this chapter of me quitting medi home health and hospice is going to be a good one..ive matured so much..really i have. ive learned the hard way of not trusting people so quickly and what i always say and usually forget by opening my heart too soon, if someone is talking to you about someone..they are talkin to someone about you...
im training on the mail route..its exciting..well tiring but i like it..ive always liked it ever since i was a kid going on the route delivering packages... we'll see what it brings though and focusing on school is my priority!

i spoke with kevin today, he's in cali right now his grandfather passed away last week :(
the grandfather i met just in december.. so glad i met him and the grandmother though..kind people. kevin mentioned to me today about how he told his family that he was happy that i got a chance to meet w/ 'popie' before he passed and he told his aunts about me... i love that boy so much w/all of this lil heart.

10:55pm: i really have never realized alot about myself... why im so confused w/school.. i have concluded i am because all along i was going w/what could i do to make a lot of money..instead of what do i want to do that would make me happy... dating kevin ive learned a lot about myself.. like i can do what makes me happy for a living, i can do anything i want, i like spicy foods and love to travel..ive learned so much w/him. i love him...really i do! :) anyways i was just thinking about that..

love andrea :)

10:36pm: happy vday!
kevin sent me flowers at work yesterday!.. i love him so much.. hes my favourite, my best friend and my love.

-andrea :)

8:45am: so my last entry was kinda depressing.. but im in a better mood now.. i dont know whats been my problem lately.. im happy now.. kevin he does make me happy... i went on my interview the day before yesterday.. i think it went well..who knows what will come of it ..if anything..we'll see though..keep my options open right?..all i know is i have to save money and really focus on applying to schools down in north carolina..im so sick of telling ppl this is what im going to do and i dont do anything... im tired of hearing it.. no wonder why everyone else is...yeah.. so im focused and we'll see what happens...

8:31am: ive gotten in a weird mood lately.. a mood thats unhappy but content... i dont know how to describe it... my job i dont like very much...but it pays well.. my boyfriend is long distance...but hes great... it feels like i have school together...but then i dont... i just feel like i have all these kinks in my life..kinks that have prolly always been there...
where did my happiness go?

im finally realizing... i have to make myself happy...if that be moving or whatever else.. i kind of blame this on my family.. i know that they want me to stay but i need to venture out..im sick of driving an hr to and from work everyday to work... they shelter me with where i live...when in reality its normal if i need to pay rent etc somewhere else... i just have all these thoughts and im finally realizing life doesnt have to be perfect..its how you make of it and what you make of it to make you happy...

okay i think i feel better after writting in here...

-andrea :)

9:57am: love you 3 musketeers bar.

4:11pm: ohhhh life. its exhausting this week. i cant wait until friday .. i asked brenda
(new director) if i can leave early at like 3 or 4 which is oh so sweet im going down to north carolina to see kevin :) i get so excited on these little trips... i get so happy. and plus..friday equals pay day woohoo!!!!
im so broke well i have been the past few weeks..but im still on track w/my diet..its been exactly a week today total pounds lost only two but it feels like a lot more.. its hard to do this. but im doing it the right way..still eating but sensibly. yeah so back on the rant of me being broke...yeah broke. but im surviving...only broke because i paid all my bills..whew. and thank god for avon for filling up my gas tank.
i cant wait until today is over--aka- 5 oclock comes and im free from work. its just so drewery (sp) outside and this week has felt so long because i cant wait til friday!. woohooo!!!

-andrea.

3:55pm: take a little, give a little....
i really cant remember the last time i wrote in this thing but im bored at work and thought i would...so my life..

its been good...
got back from greece about 3 weeks ago--so beautiful there...especially santorini..if i were to go back to greece i would go to that island. the only thing about greece is that people smoke everywhere-- we went on a ferry and there was smoking allowed-gross.- we went in a bank and it looked so 60s style people were working and smoking. gross. but overall it was a good experience. a random guy asked me to marry him and another guy told me he 'liked the way you look' interesting. ha. anyways--

things at work are awesome, finally got my raise. and things are super looking up...except for the drive still sucks. we got a new director, a new manager and things here are a lot better!.. i actually like coming to work, its gotten to a point where i dont mind it...sometimes things piss me off but i get over them ...like any job. but overall things are great.

lets see update on what else--
kevin-- hmm..we are doing awesome actually, i havent seen him in a little while but i'll see him next friday the 14th.. which im excited about. i had to wait until pay day considering im broke from the whole greece trip.

in other news im thinking strongly of going back for nursing. i want to attend school up here in va and get my degree then eventually move down to NC ... its just im in the looking into programs and applying part... headache in other words but im excited about that...

i started a diet..well kind of a diet... im actually just watching what i eat and just trying to walk daily. ive only been on it since tuesday but its working so far...and today its only thursday! i just want to be healthier..i cant keep getting bigger and older...that doesnt work very well together..actually neither one of them work very good..but one of them is workable and the other inevitable.

anyways... i cant wait until next month by then i should be all caught up w/bills and i can focus on paying my credit card off and start saving for the cali trip come december..woohoo!.

-love andrea.

8:09pm: i want to show the world who i am, the real me..
life...i wonder
am i happy?...truly happy...answer being no...no im not...
not happy w/my weight..
not happy w/ my job, school...

its hard to find what i am happy with in this life..
and im living this life..the focus is me in this life..

i want to move..to a new town..stop being so dependent on my rents...get a good job, become a nurse...so whats stopping me...nothing is but myself.

i want to lose weight, stop being a slob and overweight, become beautiful inside and out.

1:19pm: wow its been a while since ive written.. hmm whats happend... not much but i guess a lot... i dont think we're going to greece next month like planned... dad is goign in for surgery today which he will be there for about 10 days!. gosh its going to be hard...kevin came down on monday..im so happy when i go home to him after work..
oh work..they put in a raise for me a slight raise, for a little extra work im going to do..im looking for a job closer to home, in dahlgren, not in fredericksburg, we'll see what happens though... im going to try!.
life is busy but good.!

12:41pm: life is good!
enough said

11:59am: could someone say sick of yogurt and turkey sandwiches.. o well.. this diet is working...been on it since monday and today is friday-- i didnt work out today but i did weight myself ive lost 11 lbs!..already.. i just hope this weekend will be easy for me... since im going to north carolina... we'll see i think kevin and i are going to exercise tomorrow.. prolly do a walk and i think since i skipped the gym this AM i want to do sit ups tonite
im actually having a good hair day and its beauitful outside..im so happy! i think my work is going to start teaching me billing..which would be super awesome to learn..we'll see though.. i just want a pay increase...which i hope to get one soon!

10:58am: im actually sticking to the gym so far, and i feel good..im seeing results.. ive lost about 9 lbs already and its only been the 3rd day...its hard eating healthy...i want a steak and cheese sub so bad...i have the same thing every day... a banana 2 yogurts, 2 turkey sandwiches and lately soup for dinner. kevin is a huge motivator for me... which is good...he knows how much i want to lose weight and be happy..hes very supportive.

weather is good which means im going home this evening and washing my car.. life is good.

love andrea

8:14am: it seems like things in life are falling together good for me right now... i dont pick fights with kevin anymore... ive been going to the gym and keeping busy... money sucks... but im paying all my bills .. my focus when i get back from greece will be that one credit card from the credit union. right now i'll just focus on saving for greece. im not getting as much back in taxes this year..which sucks but o well. greece in 3 months i cant wait!
when i get back from greece i'll prolly seriously look for a new job. closer to home.i spend now a 100 bucks every month in just gas! and the milege on my car. my poor lil car. okay well i guess i better start working...

sidenote- here is what my horoscope says::
Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
Turn your focus inward today. You've been spending a lot of time on the trials and tribulations of your friends, at the expense of dealing with your own issues -- and these issues aren't going to go away on their own. So if you can, try to make time for solitude today. Your mind is open to dealing with the truth right now, and if you examine your life today, illuminating patterns will start to appear.

1:34pm: what is wrong with me.. what?.. i dont know.. i over think things way too much.

4:14pm: i cant believe i still up date in this journal.. i dont like to read my history of journals though..which most talk about fighting with kevin.. i want to put that all behind me.. most of my entries talk about struggling with myself and my emotions which i want to put that behind me too.. i started going to the gym on tuesday--and today is thursday so im still sticking with it... its a good relief...and i think it makes me happier..
the weather is beatiful outside... i think im going to do a vegetable garden this year..there is so much i want to save for though-- i have to start saving for a lawn mower..greece... and im still paying my credit card bill ugh. that card is goign away after i finish paying it off.

life is good...
anywyas im at work and i better go back to work

love andrea/

8:24pm: life has been good- work has been good.. except the fact i dont talk to anyone really-- im civil to everyone but nomore friends here at work.. its good this way- no drama...

i feel like my life is falling together... good.. i started selling avon which is super extra money it makes me happy.

i cant wait until tomorrow= friday and = kevin will be here.. im doing a surprise for him.. his v-day one.. i cant wait.. i rearranged my house--its super clean and im setting the surprise up in my room tonite :) ..

i think my life is super happy right now- except the fact of family- dad just got surgery on his elbow and is in a lot of pain and gma is in the hospital for pnemonia yuck.

the whole reason i started writing in here today at work because i came across an article online and it reads..."There can be something kind of sexy about the slightly disheveled, crazy-busy person who has a pile of papers three-feet high at his desk, or who has the ability to juggle her Blackberry, laptop, and other electronic gadgets 24-7. They're projecting the image of importance, which can come off as very appealing. But after a while, the frazzled, everything-all-over the-place persona is simply code for: You ain't got your stuff together. And at some point-maybe early, maybe later-it's going to be something that translates into: You're not right for me."
--its funny because i looked on my desk while my arm is laid across a pile of papers while i type.. and piles all along my desk...

anyways life is good. enough said i'll write soon..

10:34am: lets waste time chasing cars...
i always told myself... why fight if ur in a long distance relationship?... its not worth it... its not worth the tears... so ive planned not to. i dont want to.. its exhausting. and to feel loved and appreciated is the best way to feel...


this past weekend was so much fun.. i went down to nc... we hung out w/m@ and crissy((which i actually talked to them more)) and then we celebrated v-day ...he took me to this korean restaurant that was soooo freakin good..then we went out for icecream and then watched two movies over matt and crissy's house....i love him so much. hes my sweet boy. kisses to him.


anyways-- work is going good.. i put in my vacation hours and everything i just hope they go thru the new temp. director, brock.

i started a diet on and off... bascially its lunch hours.. ive been eating soup instead of other things..im so addicted to tomato soup-- i never thought i would ever say that... i put little plain goldfish crackers in it and its sooo good---the scale says ive lost 9 pounds...but i dont know.. i dont want to get over excited but im happy. kevin is doing the same thing- counting calories.. hes lost a lot...well it looks like more because hes exercised..which i started about 2 days ago..

on sunday work is sending me to south carolina for a trip ... on training for misyis a program we use... i cant wait i'll be there until thursday-- i hope my plane doesnt get cancelled!.. we're suppose to have a rain/snow mixture.. im too excited for this to go bad.

i have cramps like crazy.. ugh to be a girl. at least i wont have my dot while im on that trip!. anyways i think im going to grab something to eat and then go on my break to wal-mart to grab a few things.

11:47am: Oh life… I have such up and down moments all the time—I don’t know why I fight with Kevin the way I do ..i don’t know why I would hurt someone I love so much by picking on them the way I do  ive learned a lot in this relationship.. I have to learn more about myself though… the ways of my insecurities… they are evil… they make me sad. I know long distance is hard..but is it worth it?.. yes. Its worth spending a few weekends here and there with him ((which ive realized I need to put more time into that—driving to see him that is..more often)) I love every moment I spend with that boy!. Is this relationship hard because we’re young and so in love—yes… its hard being so close in our hearts and so distant in mileage.

On a good note- we’re doing a competition to see who can lose weight the most… we’re checking in .. . in 1 month…he inspires me to be a better person, im a better person with him. I really am.. I love him. The end.


*im meeting with avon tomorrow—I cant wait I hope I do well at it—I would have done even better if I would have gotten my co-workers before the other lady at work did—I mentioned it to her and she started it ((grr))

Im trying to redo my life though!.. seriously . so far so good..well since yesterday afternoon… last nite we went to a superbowl party at mike lim’s house…his house is amazing…but yeah…. I talked to a lot of people there..it was nice..the people ive met in the last yr have been really nice.. im excited—this summer is going to rock!